Desert Moon Rising

Life Coaching & Conscious Living

May 22, 2013
by Pam Bell
Comments Off on Chronic Stress or Ultimate Joy?

Chronic Stress or Ultimate Joy?

Chronic Stress or Ultimate Joy?

I have been choosing to do things differently lately. I have been looking closely at how I have been trained and conditioned to live my life, at how this behavior isn’t providing the satisfaction I once thought it would, and at how I can turn the chronic stress of doing too much, into the liberation of ultimate joy!

Hopefully, after reading this blog post, you will be inspired to do the same!

Let me explain. Most of my life I have woken early, stayed up late, and have crammed 48 hours into a mere twenty four. Truly, I was one of those who would be at the gym by 5AM, having hiked Mt. Tamalpais by 7AM, and I’d be at work by 9AM. After work would be shopping, housecleaning, a dinner party and then maybe dancing at a club…..or something along those lines. Gross! I know. People hate me for it but I do have a lot of energy and energy needs an outlet. In the process of burning all this energy however I developed this habit of trying to get as much done as possible in any given day. My days were epic for a long, long time. It was as if I had a contest going between me and me and it was one that I mostly won! I adore accomplishment. I also didn’t want to miss out on anything, ever, and so I tried to do it all. Mostly, I was successful at this endeavor because we are capable of incredible stamina if we train and condition ourselves accordingly. Problem was, although I was busy and accomplished, I wasn’t very happy.

In retrospect, my true happiness was always over the horizon, to be enjoyed only after I crossed the next finish line or at the very least, completed my to do list. I would think to myself, “As soon as I accomplish that next thing, I can relax. Then I will be happy. Then I can rest.” Not that I was “unhappy” either……I felt good, I was on the move and getting stuff done. The accomplishment of my tasks or goals were my reward but it never stopped with that. There was always another goal out there in front, another carrot…..begging for my attention.

I know I am not alone in this. This seems to be the defining lifestyle of my generation. “Do as much as possible and don’t look back! Just keep moving.” Until one day, I sat without accomplishing anything at all, and realized I wasn’t really happy in the way I thought I would be after accomplishing ALL those things. But also, what I really was more than anything, was exhausted!

Quality of life experience does not come in quantities. Quality is enjoyed moment by moment, in the presence of our awareness. If in each moment we are thinking about the next moment, we are NOT present! How many times are you speaking with someone on the phone while doing something else? I know multi-tasking has become a way of life but I assure you, if you are doing two things at the same time, you are not truly present for either. How many times do you wish you could hurry up and finish what you are doing “right now” so you can get to that other thing on your list? And then you rush through that for the next thing, which is rarely ever the “last” thing.

Point is, our list is never complete! We never arrive. There is no end…..well, until the END, and that’s disputable. So, if we’re hurrying our NOW to get to what’s next, we are essentially missing our life and one day, we might sit and wonder where it all went?

Now, I no longer live this way. Now I ask myself “what will bring me ultimate joy?” and whenever possible I do that. That might mean I spend the whole morning with my doggie at the park, which brings us both so much joy! Or I start my workday a little late and take a morning yoga class instead. I no longer rush through the things I am doing that I actually enjoy, just to get to next think on my list…..in fact, I no longer even keep a list! This is true liberation!

Yes, of course we have responsibilities and things we need to do. We have to make the meal, clean the house, go to work, stay healthy and fit, etc., and we can’t just abandon our life to go to Hawaii for the week in search of ultimate joy. But we can decide at what pace to do those things, and we can decide to be truly present while doing those things, and we can decide to do less “things!” This way, we’ll have more time to pay attention to how rare and wonderful our life truly is!

Bottom line here is this: If you don’t set the pace and purpose of your life, if you don’t consciously choose how you want your life to be, look and feel, the world around you (your boss, family, friends, community) will decide it for you. Are you spending too much time doing things you’re not really interested in? Are you engaged in activities that don’t bring you satisfaction? Are you doing too much? Taking on too much? Is your sense of accomplishment a rouse for happiness in the future?

Be happy now. Make better choices now. Find out what brings you ultimate JOY and do more of that. You will be so glad you did!

Find Your Joy!

 

May 8, 2013
by Pam Bell
Comments Off on Going with the Flow, Finding Synergy

Going with the Flow, Finding Synergy

Going with the Flow, Finding Synergy

What is it to not push? To not force your way, your ideas or your methods? To not, with your head down, plow through the obstacles on your path? Many would say, “it is simply Un-American.” I say, “it is Bliss.”

The idea of “making things happen” is deeply entrenched in the American belief system. It is in fact, what most believe to be the “American Dream” – the notion that you can rise up, from rags to riches, against all odds. The idea that you can sets your sights on a goal, and with great ambition and motivation, and with a strong work ethic and by making all the right connections, and by showing up where people who are your potential customers show up, and by dressing the way they do, and by studying the habits of the 10 most successful people, and by fully committing to your goal, and by acting “as if” you were already the successful person you have set out to become, you can one day, most definitely, realize your dream! And it’s TRUE! All these factors can play into ones favor of success but I promise you, it is not guaranteed.

I don’t know about you but I was raised with the following quote embedded in my sub-conscious, not by my family so much, but by the “self-help era” in which I was born, by the philosophy with which I surrounded myself, and also by a mentor who actually did “rise up” from rags to riches (but also because it was what I wanted to believe) and it goes like this: “If you can conceive it, and believe it, you can ACHIEVE IT!”

However, there are many millions of people who everyday set out to conquer a dream. And they do so with the same vim, vigor, clear intention and heartfelt passion as those who actually succeed…only, not everyone succeeds. Not everyone who conceives an idea, and believes that idea in the core of their being, can manifest what they set out to achieve. Not everyone is so lucky.

A testament to this is the rate of Small Business failures throughout our country. In the first year of operation, 85% of small businesses close their doors. In the second year, it’s 70% with the numbers decreasing incrementally over the long haul. Most sited reasons for small business failure is lack of experience, lack of planning and lack of investment capital, yet, all of these people had a dream! Maybe they weren’t all “good ideas” but still, they were “their dream” and maybe or maybe not their passion.

It’s astonishing to me how disconnected these things can be, “one’s dream” vs. “one’s passion.” If you’ve never had a chance to watch “Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares” you should, if for no other  reason then to learn what passion is all about! Gordon Ramsey is a Scottish celebrity chef, television personality and restauranteur, and amongst many of his successes, like earning 15 Michelin Stars, he has created a show where he goes into failing restaurants and works his magic to turn them around. He gets in people’s face and under their skin. He challenges their motives and changes belief systems. He reinvents their decor, their menu and their philosophy but mainly, what Chef Ramsey teaches above all else, is passion! It’s astounding how many people are willing to go completely broke over something they are not even very passionate about!

But I’m here to talk about Synergy. The difference between those who succeed (subjective) and those who don’t is a multitude of factors: those stated above in regards to Small Businesses, but also there is luck or karma, and then there is Synergy. Synergy is what you have when you set out to accomplish something and doors simply open. One door after another, they just open, easily and without force. One great contact leads to another. You close one deal and another comes a knocking. There is no struggle, no pushing, no force…..what is simply required of you is to “show up” and to fulfill your end of the bargain. It’s like you’re gracefully floating down a river and just going with the flow while easily overcoming all obstacles. Synergy means listing to your intuition and following that. It means if you feel yourself encountering resistance, you notice it, contemplate it’s source and if necessary, change your game plan. It means Trust! It means willingness and flexibility. It means committing to a more organic life then the one you currently know.

Synergy begets more synergy. The more you listen, follow and trust, the more synergy is activated in your life. It’s as if there is an unexplainable phenomenon operating on your behalf, like magic! And there is! You just have to follow…..and it’s one of the hardest things for those of us in a Western Society to do! So, how do you begin?

To identify and begin working with Synergy in your life you can contemplate the following: Take time to notice what is easy. What occurs naturally in your life that you are happy about? What is it that doesn’t require a lot of struggle? What shows up again and again that you resist? Why? What happens if you just lean into it rather then resist? What or who are you trying to change? What if you focused on what’s working rather then what is not, instead? If one path is easy and one is hard, which one are you naturally inclined to take? Why do you take the path that is hard? Do you believe it will have a bigger pay-off? Do you need the challenge to motivate you? Where does this notion begin…..that, things have to be hard? Be curious. Challenge your beliefs. What if you just stopped the struggle and focused instead on all that you have, and the beauty that surrounds you, and all that is good in your life, rather then noticing all that hasn’t yet arrived?

The art of acting on what “IS” working is actually the secret here. This is synergy. This is as natural as the sun rising in the East and setting in the West.

And this, I believe, is how our lives are suppose to be!

Doors simply open!

 

 

April 18, 2013
by Pam Bell
Comments Off on Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

In one single day, three different people (both clients and friends) brought up the word “Comfort Zone.” They either wanted to break the surface of it, become free from it, or were actively trying to push the limits of it on a regular basis. Rarely does this word come up in general conversation and never three times in the same day, unless it’s me using this term with my clients. Because of this, I thought the topic ripe for exploration and although I can feel you squirming, sit tight, learning about comfort zones is a good thing and it just might encourage you to push your zone a little further, and to welcome the adventure waiting for you there.

First let’s explore what it is about being “comfortable” that we like so much? Why is “comfortable” so comfortable? It’s predictable. It’s safe. We know what to expect. We can set our emotional speedometer to let’s say somewhere between 20-40…..and, we can coast. We can ride the little bumps here and there with no problem. We can go along as we always have, keeping our ideas about the world, about politics, about race, about ourselves, comfortably locked in the little chamber of our conditioning. We feel completely confident in our comfort zone as if our beliefs about the world are verifiably true, in other words, “we don’t know what we don’t know” and we are ok with that.

Having a “zone” is necessary at first because we have to start identifying with the world around us somehow. Mostly, our early adopted beliefs about the world, and our place in it, come from family and friends. But as we grow, become educated and start forming opinions of our own, we altar those beliefs to fit changing times, things we feel passionate about, our ideas of who we want to be in the world and, how we can fit the World into our belief structure….for example: if I feel clear about my goals, manage to reach them easily and rise quickly through the ranks of my industry, I won’t comprehend why everyone else can’t do the same. “If I can do it, anyone can do it!” Right? So rather then looking at the many parts and entities that make up ones’ success……like education, privilege, strong support system, natural abilities, karma, etc., one can tend to project their method, which worked so easily for them, onto everyone else.

Establishing a comfort zone is one thing, but hanging out there too long is a dangerous thing. What happens when we spend too many years dwelling in our “comfort zone?” As many of you can attest, we fall asleep at the wheel. Life becomes listless, colors become dull, and we struggle greatly with all the realities of life that don’t fit into our mold. Our judgments grow large and our fear can grow disproportionately ominous……what at once would only bend us, now we fear might break us. Life gets too comfortable and the idea of having it any other way scares the living daylights out of us. Many people had this wake-up call during our recent economic recession and I know for certain the forced change altered their priorities…..as it always does! One day, we’re living on top of the world trying to figure out how we’re going to get all the yard work done, play golf, drop the kids off at the baby sitters and make it to that cocktail party by 6PM and the next day, we realize we don’t even have a place to live! Tell me that doesn’t change your priorities just a little?

Mainly what happens in our “comfort zone” is that we stop growing, we stop developing. As human beings we need to explore in order to feel alive. As spiritual beings we need to progress in order to understand the meaning of our life! Without progress and development however homeostasis sets in and life becomes dutifully complacent…..and, far too often, it is in this place where we live out our days. I know this sounds like bliss to many of you but if you look deep inside I’m sure you’ll admit that although it is safe, staying in your comfort zone is also radically boring!

Breaking free from your comfort zone wakes you up! It breathes new life into those wrinkly and tired places and offers such a since of exhilaration – like that of standing on the edge of a cliff on a really windy day and knowing, just knowing, that if you spread your wings out wide and far you could actually fly!  Life is not over…..just yet! You can breathe again, spread your wings again, see the world anew again. Doesn’t this sound interesting? Promising? Inspiring?

So what is it that’s keeping you locked away? Are you protecting what you’ve thus far gained? Scared you won’t survive the change? What is it you are uncomfortable with? What is it you have never done that you’ve always been a little afraid to do? Travel to a foreign land? Get on a bus having no idea where it’s going? Make a really big commitment? Work with a part of the population you have strong judgments about? Take dance lessons? Music lessons? Acting classes? What? What is that thing that if you “stepped into it” would really shake things up for you?

A friend of mine just bought her first house……she is 63 years old. For the first time in my life, I am engaged to be married…..I am 50 years old. Another friend, having hardly even travelled out of state, has decided to study yoga in India……she is 65 years old!

See? Isn’t it all so exciting?

I’m declaring the month of May, “Break Out of Your Comfort Zone” month and I challenge you to take part. What is that “thing” you know you need to do? You long to do? You’re being called to do?……In order to breathe again.

You know, you know. Email me and let me know too!

Breaking Free!

 

April 18, 2013
by Pam Bell
Comments Off on Practice: Letting Go

Practice: Letting Go

Practice: Letting Go

As we all must know by now, everything is temporary, right? Even if you don’t want to admit it or are slow to admit it, everything and everyone we love and cherish will one day be gone. And we will one day be gone too! The hanging onto “things” and “people” as if they were permanent causes us a great deal of suffering. We know everything is temporary and yet we when we lose a job or a loved one or even a pair of our favorite earrings we are upset beyond measure. This more often then not occurs because we’ve fooled ourselves into thinking that things will pretty much go on as they always have, forever.

Of course we’re going to be upset when we lose someone we love because we “loved them” and we will miss them dearly. It’s not so much the being upset part that I’m talking about as it is the shock of sudden change……as if somehow, it was never going to happen to us!

But it does! This is reality. With practice however we can grow to not only accept sudden change, or any change, but also to appreciate it. How can you grow if you are not willing to change? “You lose one job, you’re crazy upset about it, you contemplate retaliation, only to land a different job that you are much more suited to and one that pays twice as much!” How many times have you known this to happen to people? Where someone ended up on the sunny side of loss? So many blessings come because of loss yet we are so quick to cry about it or be angry about it that we hardly give it a chance to fully play out.

How will you mature and develop and age with grace if you aren’t willing to let go? Letting go of what was? Letting go of your expectations? Letting go of thinking you know exactly how it’s suppose to all turn out? Isn’t this the mystery of life that makes it so exciting? The fact that we don’t ever really know?

With practice you can learn to actually embrace change and feel the freedom and liberation that accompanies “letting go.” How do we practice this you might ask? By intentionally letting go of things you cherish. That’s right! Don’t wait until you are forced to part with your precious treasures. Give them up willingly and completely. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to loosen your grip on things that although maybe beautiful, aren’t really all that meaningful in the end.

Here’s how it works: If someone say’s, “I love those earrings! Where did you get them?” In that very moment, take them out of your ears and give them away. If someone admires a particular article of clothing, and it might fit them, give it away. If someone jokingly asks for something they love that belongs to you (as I sometimes do with my sister and my girlfriends), give it up! If someone admires a piece of artwork you made or one that you own, that you really love but you know they love it more, let them have it! Start looking around your house and in your closets and see if you can think of people who would really appreciate this or that……not because you’re tired of it but because you love it and yo know they will too! I know this seems contrary to popular belief but honestly, I’m here to tell you, it’s such a refreshing exercise you might even get addicted to it.

Plus, it’s so wonderful to brighten someone else’s day through the simple gesture of giving. And when it’s completely unexpected and happily given, you will blow people away.

The more you liberate yourself from “things” you are attached to, the more you’ll be liberated from ideas you are attached to, and conditioning, and roles, and ways. You’ll see. You might even thank me!

Letting Go Challenge: At least once a week over the next two months, find something you really love and cherish, and simply give it away. You can do this! Be sure to notice how it makes you feel. Also notice how rarely you even think about it once it’s gone.

Let Go on Purpose!

 

March 20, 2013
by Pam Bell
Comments Off on Get Up, Get Out, Do Something

Get Up, Get Out, Do Something

Get Up, Get Out, Do Something

Spring is here and with it comes the awakening of a more closed chrysalis state. No doubt you will soon begin to feel lighter and more energized if you’re not already. Often the natural shifts of the season begin to occur in our bodies, just as in nature, well before the official date on a calendar. As the days grow longer and we begin to witness the miracle of new life, we too start to break bud and turn our face toward the sun.

The freshness of Spring inspires us to get out of the house, begin new projects, and indulge our senses in the beautiful sights, sounds and smells of season. Think narcissus, hyacinth, farmers’ markets, and the chirping of little chicks. Notice also the “good” and “hopeful” feelings that accompany this season. Life suddenly seems more positive and upbeat. Inspiration comes easily, as if anything and everything is possible. And it is!

Everything is possible! Not just because it’s Spring, but always. The only thing that stands between possibility and impossibility is perspective…..and perhaps a few hours of sunlight! What the transition from Winter to Spring offers us then, is a wonderful opportunity to shift our perspective and to look at life through a fresh lens.

Hopefully, if you allow yourself to live closely in tune with nature, the short days of Winter provided you a chance for deep rest and reflection. A place where creative ideas gestated and are now ready to be planted and explored. Spring is your invitation to put them to the test. Because energy and creativity run high, this is also a great time to start new projects, get out and move the body, and try new things.

I love the Macy Gray song titled, “Do Something” that goes: “Get up, Get Out, Do Something. Don’t let the days of your life pass you by. Get up, Get Out, Do Something. How will you make it if you never even try?” Her song isn’t really about Spring but the message is a great motivation all the same.

Here’s the song on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OHPY3MyUlI

So much inspiration, so little time!

Allow yourself to blossom into the beautiful flower you already are.